More than pig tails...

Be warned... there is no picture of Lia in the following post. :) I've been inspired by some fellow bloggers and I want to share a little more than pig tails... there will still be pictures, but also some thoughts from me...It might be a little rambling, but here goes...

We are going through a marriage book/small group experience at NP called Intimate Encounters (ie). It's something that Brendon and I have been wanting to do for a while and have just now felt ready for the challenge. We have been told... "if you do IE you are asking for trouble" and warned..."be ready for all the bad stuff to come up" but we also heard how healing this time could be and no one said they were sorry they went through it. Well, being the dare devils that we are- we decided now was the time... we wanted trouble, and we were going to go looking for it. We have a good marriage and in this time wanted to learn about how to make it great.

So, we are in IE right now, and I won't speak for B, but it's been an amazing time of healing for me already. It's not easy to start unpacking emotional baggage, to agree to stop running the "tapes" of past wrongs and dump out all the stuff you have been holding onto. But we are trying and I think the fruit in our marriage is already a little sweeter.

This past week we got into a discussion about commitment vs. feelings in our small group time. Why is it that after the new feelings of a relationship fade it seems harder and harder to do those things that make the other person a priority? Is it life? Is it selfishness? We started the discussion about marriage, but I really started thinking about this in regards to my relationship with Christ on my way home.

When I first fell in love with Jesus - it was easy... I wanted to spend time with him, to learn more about him and grow closer. I felt good when I read my bible. I learned and grew in my walk. Challenges came and my faith made me feel better. Then things changed... I don't know if it was just the pressure of life, or my selfishness, but I have had times when I just didn't want to expend the effort to grow my relationship with Christ. See, I was still making it about *me*. And when I didn't *feel* like it - then, sorry God - not today.

Last fall I heard an explanation of abiding that really clicked from a wife/mom I admire. She said that abiding in Jesus... what we must do to grow and be fruitful... is the discipline of spending time each day with God, just being with Him even when you don't *feel* like it. She explained that abiding is rewarding for us, but it is really something that we do for God. As an offering of part of our day. She talked about this discipline and that the commitment of that time will begin to pay off over a time. That at first it's hard and sometimes even after years, it's hard to make it priority, but that the reward is worth the investment. God rewards this type of commitment. And I think she's right - I think God wants us to learn the reward of pressing on, of abiding in him when it's not what *feels* good.

It's really amazing to me that God made us to get so easily infatuated with something...we *feel* good about at the beginning but it's not those feelings that God rewards...it's the commitment. It's when it's not about me that the real pay off comes. Love is a commitment to consistently meet the other person's needs and I'm learning that with regard to all the relationships in my life. Really, it's just making it less and less about *me*.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (Matt 22:37)