Ok, this was too funny that I had to share... my friend Christy shared it and I had to put it up...

What reading e-mail has done for me

*I have to scrub the top of every can I open.
*I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
*I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
*I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
*I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
*I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day
*Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
*Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
*I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
*I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans .
*I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
*And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
for life.
*I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with an infected needle.
*I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
*I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.
*I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.
*I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapo re and Uzbekistan.
*I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
*Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my butt.
*And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
*I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . ....

What has email done for you?